uniquelyallie: (bucky writing)

As usual, I fell off the Diva radar. :( I plead job/financial crap and a misplaced (but well meant) focus on trying to start a home bakery. I won’t go into specifics as that’s so 2012. :iconbiggrin: I even started exploring other online homes, figuring that maybe (for some reason) I wasn’t meant to be *here*, but I kept finding myself coming back to RD, skimming threads; or thinking about RD whenever Jason checked his music forum.

I'm *committed* to finding my writing mojo. I had an epiphany at church, of all places :icon_smile: The Dec. 29 service at the Vineyard was a look back at 2012. It was more or less what the church did over the year, but the associate pastor (Kande) also talked a bit about her journey/struggle with weight loss and how she fought God on helping her. When the message got a little God-heavy, I started zoning out, but then she talked about others who may be struggling on a journey.

“It may be that you feel like you have a calling or an invitation from God in your life to be an artist or a writer or whatever, and you're scared to death to let other people see your stuff, or you don't know how to take that next step.”

I woke up when she said writer; got teary eyed when she mentioned how you're scared to death. Then Charlie Hines sang "Redeemed," and the lyrics were up on the screen as he sang, and I cried. Like sobbed.

(I'll have to add the video later. My current temp assignment blocks YouTube.)

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me
‘Son, stop fighting a fight it's already been won’

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

So after service, we went to Dewey's Pizza for dinner. As we were waiting for a table, I took out my Kindle Fire and posted on Facebook how I was temporarily parking Tricycle Treats for the long term; that I have been and always will be a writer first, and I *have* to get back to doing that. Only this time I need to really *push* myself.

uniquelyallie: (Default)
I know I've disappeared for well over a year. I can only blame myself for that... being all caught up in a relationship. People do that, you know. They say they'll never neglect their friends once they're Happily Attached, but they usually do. And I'm one of them. And I suck as a human being because of it. :) Combine that with how I wanted to get back in touch with the local LJers and NaNos, and I just felt like such a loser every time I thought about getting back in touch. I was afraid that I'd give off the impression of: "Oh, the newness of Jeff has worn off. I'm ready to resume friendships again!"

Like I said... I suck as a human being because of it. And I am very truly sorry. Because I always highly disliked those people who'd blow me off as a friend because they were in a relationship. And I became one of Them. *sigh*

I guess I should do a State of the Steph for 2006, if anyone still reads my LJ and wants to care. :)

Writing: It sucked. I did nada on the Edison story... which is now becoming the Grace story. I did about 5K and a bunch of random scenes on a chick lit novel, which I've temporarily shelved for wanting/needing to get back to the Edison story. I had an invitation to do a chick lit novella with two authors over at Romance Divas, which was a Christmas chick lit anthology, which we temporarily shelved until 2007 because the other two authors got busy with their own projects, and I avoided writing from about October on.

Work #1: Still sucks. I'm still at the small graduate school which shall remain nameless since this is a public post. The only thing is... I'm at an all-time low in the suck department there. I spent most of my time surfing the internet and letting my brain rot. Nevermind the fact that there *is* work to do. I just don't care. I'm miserable there. I want to leave. Yet I can't because I still get away with murder, and I can get all this unpaid time off to go see Jeff, and I've got a flexible schedule, and I get paid $14.35 an hour for a part time office job. But the brain rot is getting to be way too much, and the people (except for three) are getting to be way too annoying.

Work #2: Will probably begin to suck this year because The Post will officially close its doors as of December 31. (Unless Gannett jerks us over sooner.) Thank you, Gannett, for terminating the JOA. This will not make me want to touch the Enquirer any more than I already don't because your news is always old, and your stories are always poorly written. And the idea of Cincinnati being a one-paper town makes me ill. It reeks of Microsoft and monopoly. I want a choice where I get my news, thank you very much.

Debt: I'm in it, and that sucks. I've become just like Jeff's ex-girlfriend where she had like seven credit cards and was pretty much maxed out on all of them. Only I have four Visas, and I'm about $1,000 way on being maxed out on all of them. I have become Becky Bloomwood. As cute and endearing as she is... the debt part of her, well, sucks. Which caused me to disappear from the writing and NaNoWriMo world last fall. I got so obsessed with trying to sell whatever I could on eBay (which isn't working) and also getting back into direct sales (another Becky Bloomwood tactic of sorts). I've got less than a year to get myself out of this debt because I'm...

Moving: Yep. Nobody believes that I'm going to do it, but I am. So help me God, this will be my last year in Cincinnati. If I'm losing my job at Work #2... there is *no* way I'm taking a replacement job somewhere else where I'll not have flexibility in scheduling, which will mean I'll see Jeff much less than I do now, which will put me even in a more crappier mood than I've been in the past few months. And we've been doing this long distance relationship for two years now. And, also, there'd be no way I can afford this massive ripoff of an apartment beyond 2007. Hell, I can barely afford it now. So I'm moving... time of moving to be announced... somewhere... place to be announced... this year. When I move is dependent on (1) if I decide to ride the paper job out until December 31; (2) if I get fed up with this distance between me and Jeff; or (3) if I can't quell this urge to murder everyone inside my apartment building... except for me and my cats.... because, let me tell you, my slumlord can *really* pick his tenants. Not.. Where I move is dependent on when I decide to move, and when Jeff starts applying for professor jobs. I'd love to move to Philadelphia. Really, really would love it... in spite of the fact that I'm still not used to their liquor laws.

Jeff: The one bright spot. :) We've been together for two years as of January 2 and... WE'RE ENGAGED!!!! :D Actually, we've been engaged since March 2006, and I kept hush-hush about it because I wanted to do up a wedding web site, and then announce it, but since there's been no wedding planning going on since we need to work through the suckage in my life first... I never got around to doing said wedding web site. And we spent all of 2006 keeping Southwest Airlines in business, pretty much traveling once or twice a month to see each other. And I've enjoyed all the flying... up until the liquid ban went into effect. Now the flying is old, and I'm tired of schleping things around, and I just want Jeff and I to be in *one* location.

Cats: The one bright spot of living in Clifton. :) Because I adopted a new cat back in September. Well, actually, she showed up back in May. No, wait, March. Jeff saw her outside my kitchen window all the way back in March. She's a Manx. She showed up the night I came back from my failed Bob Mayer trip in May, and was pretty much a regular at my building up until I took her to the vet at the end of September. I think she's still suffering from kitty PTSD because she'll freak out for no reason on occasion. She also hates boys... which makes me think maybe one of the obnoxious college boys living on my street tormented her at some point. She's also a loner cat. She'll want pets and loves on her terms. I'm not used to that. And, no, she doesn't have a name yet. I've still been calling her "Tailless Cat" and "Sweetie." Unfortunately, she answers to "Sweetie." And, yes, this makes four cats for me. In addition to Jeff's three cats. Yes, I know, seven cats.
uniquelyallie: (Default)
I posted this over at RWA Online:

QUOTE(Maria Geraci @ Jan 2 2006, 10:16 AM)
What are your goals for 2006 and how are you going to achieve them?

This makes my tenth year as an RWA member. Up until this year, I've always felt like a slow child at play. sad.gif Basically, a good chunk of that time I spent just soaking up information, figuring things out, playing around with words, getting ideas in just about every subgenre of romance. In 2002, I started seriously pursuing publication--more or less--with a science fiction novel (my first *real* WIP) with romantic elements that finaled and placed second in the 2003 Daphne, and got a full manuscript request from Anna Geneose as a result. (And this was the first contest I had entered that WIP in.)

There are times I wish I never finaled or got the request because the SF WIP still isn't finished. It's still in its first draft form. Instead, even though I *love* this novel and it's what gets me completely jazzed about writing, I've been avoiding doing any work on it because now I feel I can't handle the storyline anymore, and I *love* the storyline so much that I don't want that book to be my learning book, forever doomed to sit under my futon.

Yet I'm glad I finaled and got the request because it pushed me toward figuring out just what my voice is. I was naive to think I could write in just about every subgenre because I never wanted to feel like I was limited. But, within the past year, I decided my focus should be on chick lit (because I have a natural voice for it) and science fiction with or without romantic elements (because I *love* technology and weirdness).

So my goal for 2006 is to finish a manuscript, which will probably be a chick lit, and I'd like to have said completed submittable manuscript in time for the GH deadline, and then I can *finally* be PRO.

And then, hopefully, I'll be ready to get back to the SF novel. The "joking" deadline for the SF novel is December 31, 2007--which is when the local newspaper I work part time at closes its doors for good.

How am I going to achieve those goals? I have no idea. I'm still trying to develop some sort of road map.


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Allison Kelsey

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