uniquelyallie: (bucky writing)
And I don't know why. Well, I do. Kinda.

I spent this year (kinda) over at Dreamwidth because I hated the "new" look of LiveJournal, cringe every time I see ONTD on LJ's main page, still not crazy about the Russians, and my friends' list is basically dead. But Dreamwidth's not much better. I have like two friends over there.

I spent this past weekend reminisicing again over how cool the Internet used to be with LJ, Romance Divas, AOL's Writers Club, Genie RomEx, RWA... and how there's not places like that anymore. I know I did a similar post bitching about this (probably around this time last year). I hate how RWA is like THE thing for romance writers -- and it's not. They restructured their bylaws for tax purposes, which caused a lot of local chapters to die. Ohio Valley RWA is one of those dead chapters, and I refuse to fork out close to $150 to join National and an online chapter or two when online chapters are nothing more than promo opportunities.

Divas has changed focus from when I joined in 2005 -- and rightfully so because pretty much all of the people who were there when I joined are actively publishing. (Absolute Write's forum's too big; Harlequin's forum is too small.)

I guess I'm looking for a beginner/intermediate place a la AOL's Writers Club or Genie RomEx, where the pubbed authors hang out at, but so do the aspiring authors working on aspiringly things. And there'd be nightly writer chats.

I just can't believe with how awesome and big and endless the Internet is... there's NOTHING like that anymore? And there's NOTHING that competes with RWA?

I've spent the past 1 1/2 years surviving in college, but haven't done any fiction writing in the meantime, so I opened up another goal room for myself over on Divas this morning, even though I don't feel fiction writerly. I have a month off for Winter Break, so I'm like, "This would be the perfect time to write a draft!" I've done it for NaNoWriMo. I've even reached 50K. But the problem is... I don't know how to write a draft where all 50K words tell a complete story. In my last NaNovel I wrote in 2013, I'd sometimes rewrite a scene two or three different times, and just apply it all toward the word count. So I had a story a little over 50K -- complete with a beginning and end -- but I had to gut huge chunks, leaving me with only 12K.

So after I opened up the goalie room, I decided maybe I should get back to journaling. I need a safe space that's not a "professional" blog like what I have on my fiction writer's site or my journalist's site. That means either LiveJournal or Dreamwidth. Maybe if I'm back here on LJ, something will trigger in my brain like, "Yeah, remember when you used LJ back when you were a happy naive writer who was writing for fun? It can be that way again!"

I only wish I could wipe out pretty much all of my old entries. I tried it before, eliminating some of the ex-fiance entries, but it's just such a pain in the ass. I think I could only delete one entry at a time or something.

No promises I'll stick around, but I'll try.
uniquelyallie: (Default)
"This is our world, so we can do anything."

-- Bob Ross
uniquelyallie: (Default)
"Let's give him a friend. I think everybody should have a friend. Friends are so important."

-- Bob Ross
uniquelyallie: (Default)
I finally... Finally... Got to that chunk of the book today. Like at 4 am. And I knew going in that Augustus would die. That's why I kept putting off reading the rest of the book. If I don't read it, then Augustus doesn't die.

But I made myself read it. Only it was a read-skim because I couldn't take it. (So I now I gotta read-read it now.) And Jason was awake, in bed, looking at crap on his iPhone, so I couldn't wail-sob, and I had to wipe my nose with my bed sheet because I had no Kleenexes nearby. And I was irked Jason was there because I just wanted to curl in the fetal position and cry.

(The only other book that made me cry like this was Rosie Dunne by Cecelia Ahern.)

John Green is genius.

(And much like Hazel was about Anna... I wanna know what happens to Hazel post-Augustus, even though the ending was freaking amazingly beautifully perfect.)
uniquelyallie: (Default)
“I don’t ever want to do that to you,” I told him.

“Oh, I wouldn’t mind, Hazel Grace. It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.”

-- The Fault In Our Stars by John Green
uniquelyallie: (Default)
Fandom: Original
Characters: Claire and Greg (boyfriend)
Prompt: 80: Going Under
Word Count: 161
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Summary: Claire has been infected by colors in her head after meeting Ethan on New Year's Eve. Greg shows up at her apartment for a date where Claire is all over him, believing Greg is Ethan.


Read more... )




uniquelyallie: (Default)
Drabble challenge from [livejournal.com profile] 100songs. Instead of using one character pairing for all the prompts, I'm using the characters from current WIPs (Ethan & Claire, Carter & Rachel).

001.Learn to be Lonely002.Beautiful003.It’s About Time004.Allstar005.Underneath Your Clothes
006.Incomplete007.I Survived You008.Pitiful009.All I Ask of You010.Defying Gravity
011.Holding Out for a Hero012.Believe013.Love is a Battlefield014.I’m a Believer015.Two in a Million
016.Viva Forever017.Goodbye My Friend018.Calling Dr. Love019.Invisible020.Heartbreak Lullaby
021.Drowning022.Perfect Day023.Echo024.Boom025.Seein’ Red
026.Selfish027.On the Line028.Angel029.A Thousand Miles030.Gravity Rides Everything
031.Gravity032.Picture033.Bad Day034.The First Cut is the Deepest035.As Long As You’re Mine
036.The Prayer037.Where is the Love038.Quit Playing Games with My Heart039.Don’t Phunk with My Heart040.Love is Only a Feeling
041.The Future042.I Believe in a Thing Called Love043.Growing on Me044.The Last to Know045.Stronger
046.Remember When it Rained047.For Good048.No Good Deed049.My Heart Will Go On050.What is this Feeling
051.Savin’ Me052.How You Remind Me053.California054.Love Spell055.Here Without You
056.Life Will Go On057.Desert Rose058.Fields of Innocence059.Here is Gone060.That Don’t Impress Me Much
061.One Thing062.Unbreak My Heart063.Faith064.Dancing With Myself065.Arms Wide Open
066.Disease067.Gonna Change the World068.Here Comes the Sun069.Stand by Me070.Tainted Love
071.Love Me Do072.Closure073.Fever074.Fall Back Down075.River Below
076.Welcome to My Life077.She’s All I Ever Had078.Private Emotion079.Reflection080.Going Under (Ethan & Claire)
081.Bring Me to Life082.Haunted083.Imaginary084.Taking Over Me085.Touch
086.I Don’t Want to Wait087.Do You Only Wanna Dance088.Baby, I’m a Train Wreck089.Missing You090.Karma Chameleon
091.Time of My Life092.Kryptonite093.More to Life094.Eye of the Tiger095.Blessed
096.Out Here on My Own097.Writer’s Choice098.Writer‘s Choice.099.Writer‘s Choice.100.Writer‘s Choice.

For my reference, a link to a table containing lyrics to all of the above songs.
uniquelyallie: (Default)
A few years ago, I found a really helpful archived workshop over on Romance Divas about goal setting. (Jenna Bayley-Burke gave it.) It really cleared up a lot of issues I had about how to set yearly/monthly goals... because it was so freaking simple! No SMART crap or anything.

However, every time I came up with my yearly/monthly plan using her method, things always derailed by about March or April. Or certain things were taking longer to finish, which then would screw up the remainder of the year. (Yeah, I know, I could adjust goals, but staring at that now screwed up list and what was left to do always made me drown in defeat.)

For the past couple weeks, I've been drafting my 2015 goals. And... to quote Gru from Despicable Me... LIGHT BULB!

I'm turning my yearly goals into semester goals! Here we go...

Read more... )
uniquelyallie: (Default)
For an 18-year-old boy cat with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, both the vet and the vet tech were very impressed with him--and he's reasonably healthy, considering.

Read more... )
uniquelyallie: (Default)
My motto since being unemployed earlier this year and turning into a college student has been: "I suck as a cat mom."

Case in point: Skittles has to go to the vet today to get three ingrown claws clipped. )
uniquelyallie: (Default)
"So, never trust anybody when they tell you how your story goes, man. You know your story. You write your own story.”

— Kevin Smith
uniquelyallie: (bucky writing)
My WW is closed tomorrow because of the Fourth of July. Which is fine by me. Frees me up for potential splurging tonight. :)
Weigh-in, pounds lost, fitness update... )
uniquelyallie: (bucky writing)
1. I was a ChaCha guide back when I lived in Philly in 2008. Wasted a lot of time on it--though the Saturday nights doing it at DRL while eating Indian food and enjoying wine were fun. Anyway, today I remembered I had $47 in my account there. I logged on to find (A) I still could log in to my account; (B) I'm still an active guide; (C) I still had $47!! I PayPal'ed that ASAP. :)

2. Since I had nothing better to do at work today, I decided to expedite some questions. Soooooo not like how it was in '08. I've made a whopping $0.26 so far this afternoon. I wasn't expecting to pull in the bucks, but I'd kinda like to hit a dollar before I leave. I mean, hell, if I do a dollar a day... if I start at the beginning of the month... that's like $30 or $31 by the end of the month.

3. I got accepted to join Jon Acuff's super seekret group. Which would be way cool if it really was just 24 people selected (a la Willy Wonka) to participate. But no. It's more like 1,300 people participating.

Oooh, I'm poking around in Jon's super seekret group. Holy crap... I read his welcome message and what he plans to do in the group. This is going to be freaking amazing!

I had to use the money ($75) I had saved so far for my Start conference registration, and was trying to get used to the idea of not going. But maybe I need to restart with the saving. Especially because he's doing a writing workshop of sorts as a free conference extra.

I was going to bitch about some stuff, but why now? :)
uniquelyallie: (bucky writing)
Fitness plan behind the cut... )
uniquelyallie: (bucky writing)
NOTE: For June, I was doing Weight Watchers Online because it was cheaper. After hitting my unemployment weight of two years ago, I switched my Online membership over to a Monthly Pass, so I could attend meetings. I started a weight loss blog over on the WW site, but I'm copying and pasting the more important entries here.
My return to WW... )
uniquelyallie: (bucky writing)
For most of my hormone imbalanced winter funk, I'd be all "woe is me" on *lots* of things, and the boyfriend would always tell me, "You'll figure it out." And then I'd get raving psychotically pissed at him because I wanted him to figure it out for me.

This writing thing, namely Grant and Lauren...

I've known for a year now that I need to piece the story together. I've worked on it, off and on, since 2007. Never in the same document; that'd make too much sense. More like lots of text files everywhere... on Lime, on Molar Mac, George, Fig. And lots of handwritten stuff... in notebooks, notepads, and napkins.

I know I need to put the story together, like putting together a puzzle. But my mindset always was: I'll rewrite/revise as I go along... thinking I'd work toward a more polished draft as I plod along.

That never happened.

I've been reading Scrivener for Dummies... and I'm *finally* figuring it out.

I need to make a 2013 project file.
I need to set up three or four folders (Acts I, II, III or Beginning, Middle, End).
I need to import files into the appropriate folder. (AND DO IT WITHOUT REVISING!!)
I need to type up the handwritten stuff into the appropriate folder. (AND DO IT WITHOUT REVISING!!)
I need to do this without thinking.
uniquelyallie: (bucky writing)

If you are able to recall any pleasant writing experiences, make a note of them. Then remind yourself of these experiences whenever you think about writing.

Katie and I writing every weekend when we were in junior high. I can't remember how it started... probably had something to do with Mrs. Leesemann. I don't think we were in the same English class together, and I think that while Mrs. Leesemann was actively encouraging me to become a writer... Katie started writing because she liked it. We'd take turns spending the night at each other's house, pretty much every weekend. We'd go to the mall during the day, sometimes, or we'd hang out and watch a movie. But then came that time... it was writing time. I remember one time when we watched "Say Anything" at Katie's. We were so caught up in the movie, so in love with Lloyd Dobbler, so squealy happy how the movie ended that once it ended... we ran upstairs to Katie's room and started writing.

We'd write by hand. Pens and spiral notebooks. We'd write for stretches of time. I can't remember how long. But we'd take breaks and read what we wrote out loud. We never critiqued. We were too young to know what "critique" was. We were too caught up in each other's stories, too excited about what we were creating to even care about critique. Maybe we might've offered ideas. And then we'd write for another chunk of time. We'd do this all night long. I remember one time at my house... we did this until 7:00 the next morning.

3-Day Novel 2007. I remember I wasn't planning on doing it. It was $55 to enter the actual contest. I hadn't written anything major (Edison/Bauldner) since 2003, 2004. But someone on the 3-Day message board posted how God called her to do this. I don't know. It just set me off. I've always believed in something, but not necessarily a God. I remember thinking how God doesn't make anyone do anything; it's YOU who makes yourself do something. So I entered the contest to prove that to this woman.

I don't remember what happened around the midnight start time on that Friday night of Labor Day weekend. I probably worked at The Post. I don't even remember the beginning of Grant & Lauren being born that weekend. But I do remember it being SO MUCH FUN.

I wasn't even sure going into this that I'd actually finish.

I remember in the days leading up to the weekend, putting together Grant & Lauren's soundtrack, and trolling for Adam Levine pictures. I had an outline, but it was a sketchy one. Even the character profiles were sketchy. I remember walking to Starbucks every morning that weekend, listening to whatever specific song for the scenes I wanted to write on my iPod Shuffle, and getting a large pumpkin latte and a cheese danish. I remember the transition to appletinis and Papa John's pizza at some point in the day, every day. (I had gone to the Party Source before the weekend and got the biggest bottle of Apple Pucker and vodka they had. I figured I was going to need a lot of alcohol to get me through.)

It was the combination of the appletinis and just... just having a huge chunk of hermit time... I don't even remember really thinking about the story as I was writing it. Only have three days to write a whole novel (even if the average word count for a 3-day novel was 30K)... there was no time to think, to question, to doubt. I'd take brief breaks, pacing myself throughout the weekend, and read what I wrote. I remember being amazed at how there was a story coming out of me so fast. I remember the drunken excitement I had when I wrote my very first sex scene ever--and it wasn't cheesy.

I can't remember the end of the weekend, other than I finished. And that I was sick of pizza and needed to detox for weeks from the appletinis.

I remember printing off the manuscript, so I could read it before sending it off to the contest. I remember staring at the printer in amazement as the pages slowly spewed, amazed that I had written a complete story. I sat at the card table in the living room in my apartment in Clifton with a large glass of water, and read the entire story out loud. As I kept reading, I just got SO excited. I could see the story, I could see the characters, Lauren's voice really jumped off the page. By the end, I was crying happy tears. Crying because I had fallen in love with Grant & Lauren as people. Crying because the story came together so easily even though it was rough. Crying that I actually DID IT. I had written a complete novel.

uniquelyallie: (bucky writing)

From Unstuck: A Supportive and Practical Guide to Working Through Writer's Block:

Think about sitting down to write--a report, a term paper, a legal brief, a short story, or any other form you choose--and observe your emotions, your thoughts, and your physical response. Do you feel a sense of dread? Does your heart beat faster? Do you tell yourself, "This will never work out"? Or do you quickly think of something else you should be doing instead?

I just feel blank. I'm sitting in front of Lime--sure, I'm probably writing--but I feel blank. I'm too caught up in something else, but I don't know what. It's not like I'm thinking ahead of what I need to write. Usually when I write, I'm typing so fast to get the story out. There's probably a lot of backspacing going on, but it's not like I'm correcting anything or making things better. I'm just... backspacing.

There's no excitement. No rush. I'm just going through the motions. Everything I love about writing I now hate. Yet I don't hate. Maybe dislike? I don't hate Grant & Lauren. But when I work on them... there's no excitement. I'm not seeing the movie in my head. I try listening to their soundtrack to get me jazzed, but nothing. I haven't listened to Sondre Lerche in forever because he's so associated with Grant & Lauren.

I'm blank. I'm numb. I feel nothing. I know I should probably walk away from Lime, but I don't. I sit there, either writing very little or writing nothing at all, because deep down... I *want* to write.

If I try to work on something new... nothing. No words come out. I'll look at outlines for other novels, and I can't see the movie, or I can't feel the excitement I had when I wrote those outlines. I think about playing with writing prompts just to get my brain dislodged. Nope. I read writing prompts, and all they are are sentences to me.

I don't even get angry or frustrated that I'm not writing when I'm trying to write.

But I guess I do avoid writing, going through this blankness, because I don't go through the motions every night of just sitting there in hopes that something will click and the words will start flowing again. I fall back on excuses: I had a crappy day at work (which is true, more often than not. Especially with this miserable assignment). I had no work to do for most of the day at work, so I'm drained. I had to stare at a lot of labels all day at work, so I'm drained. Traffic coming home was awful, so I'm annoyed. The apartment is so cluttered that it drains me. I want to spend time with Jason... which used to be crazy fun all the time... but now? It's just fun. Sometimes it's like a chore. Wait. That's the wrong term. Sometimes it's blank, too. But it's because he's not spending time with *me* because I've lost that writer part of myself.

I can't wake up early to write before work because I'm not excited about the day. I mean, look what I have to look forward to. Staring at labels and templates. Though I strangely like comparing ingredients. Maybe because it feels more like editing.

I wonder if this writing blankness indirectly plays a part in my pissiness with Thursday group?

I don't feel anything when it comes to writing. Be it the actual process or the other aspects of it. I mean, yeah, I'm starting to read again. But it's been books on Christianity. I've avoided reading fiction much like I've avoided writing. Hell, I can't say I've *avoided* writing. It's hard to avoid something that you just don't do anymore.

I'm jealous of Dan. I think that's why I get nervous about him coming back to Cincinnati and Jason spending time with him. I'm jealous of Dan because he's doing music; he's doing what he loves. I'm lucky if I can write a paragraph. The other night when Jason said he needs to break out the SK-1 and start playing with it, start making music... I got jealous then, too. Because he's inspired, because he's going to be creative. Meanwhile, I'm just so... blank.

God, just writing this journal entry... I've done a lot of backspacing. And when I'm writing this... I'm not even thinking. But it's not "not thinking" like in a good way. Like I'm so lost in my words. I'm just... not thinking. And it's like I'm not even *there*, experiencing the flow. Yet it doesn't feel like I'm forcing the words. I didn't even want to do this prompt. I started reading chapter two. I had to make myself stop, force myself to pick a prompt to explore, telling myself that I'm not going to get my writer self back if I don't at least try.

I think I feel blank in most areas of my life.

uniquelyallie: (bucky writing)

Another snippet from another blog post by Leonie Dawson:

Over the last three years I’ve gone through Saturn Return, a dark night of the soul, the time to face everything so you can be reborn. I’m not who I was before.  I chopped all my mermaid hair off. I’ve let go of a hometown, a way I thought life would be, a whole bundle of family relationships that were no longer working. Let go of my book collection, burnt 15 years of journals, sold and donated my art collection to the local nursing home. And moved.

And when I did, I found the life that was waiting for me all along.


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Allison Kelsey

December 2015

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